Life With Nonverbal Learning Disability: A Hard Two Weeks


Life with nonverbal learning disability. This depicts how I’ve felt in the last few weeks. Lolly lying unbothered on the stairs.
This picture of my beloved Lolly pretty clearly depicts how I’ve felt the last two or three weeks. I have felt unbothered and not wanting to move or do anything. Her face says it all 🙂
Graduation card that says “be who you are … do what you do”
While this is a picture of a graduation card that I sent to a close friend, I think the writing on the front of the card is an important reminder to all of us, whether or not we are going through a hard time. We need to remember to just be ourselves and do what we were set out on this Earth to do.

Life just does not slow down!! I have been meaning to be more consistent on here, however, it has just not happened. I’m hoping that once my online classes are done, I will have more time to devote to blogging. On the other hand, it has not just been school work that has been keeping me quiet. The last two weeks, have been rather hard to get through. But this is life with nonverbal learning disability.

Nonverbal learning disability, or NLD, is a hidden disability. Anyone who is just meeting me for the first time will not know I have it. And there are many people in my life who know me pretty well, who don’t realize I have it. This makes it really hard for people to understand me and really get to know the true me.

Over the last several weeks, I have been finding myself doing the basic things to just get through each day. I have been completing 45 Grit, which is basically a more doable approach to the challenge 75 Hard. I feel like this challenge has been the one thing that has kept me from letting this NLD flare up get any worse. It has helped prevent me from slumping on the couch all day everyday. Rather it has forced me to get up and move my body.

How I’ve Been Feeling

  • Sad
  • A bit depressed
  • More anxious again
  • Lonely
  • Unbearably tired
  • Not feeling rested when I wake up
  • Unmotivated
  • Low energy
  • No pleasure or drive to do anything
  • Questioning myself and purpose in life
  • Waking up for the day and can’t wait for the day to be over to go to bed again
  • Feeling cranky and on edge

I’m sure this list could go on, however, these are the ones that have been the most present in my life the last couple of weeks.

I had been doing really well. And in many senses I still am. I am forcing myself to get up each day, move my body, drink water, eat healthier and put my best foot forward. I have not been letting any negative self-talk into my head. Rather, I have been doing a lot of positive self-talk which I think has helped, especially with my anxiety at work.

Life with Nonverbal Learning Disability

Over the last several years, I have come to realize that while my issues with nonverbal learning disability have always been present in my life and are always underlying in my day-to-day life, I have noticed that it will flare up at times and get worse, even for no apparent reason. I have had to learn to accept these flareups and not let it wreak too much havoc on my life.

I think part of the cause of this flare up is that one of my favorite co-workers left the bank a few weeks ago. And while I still love my job and love the people I work with, it is just not the same without her. In some ways, I feel like her leaving has taken some of the spark out of working there, despite my love for that place.

My anxiety started to get worse again right around the time she left. I was worried about how the bank was going to change with her absence. However, even with her absence, I have still had some pretty good days and pretty fun times at the bank.

I have let myself have these last couple of weeks to feel my feelings and cope with this NLD flare up, however, it is time to get my life back. What I hate most about my life with nonverbal learning disability, is the anxiety. I have flares up at the most random of times. And sometimes it is with little to no warning. However, I have come to learn to accept my anxiety for what it is and not let it rule my life. I am here to find the joy in my life once again.

My Game Plan for Taking Back My Life with Nonverbal Learning Disability

A couple years ago I would have wallowed in these feelings for weeks. I would have felt hopeless, lost, and not sure what to do. Now, I am older and wiser and have learned the importance of taking action in order to live a life that I love. I am not going to let these feelings put me down any longer. Here is how I am going to take back my life:

  • Continue drinking water
  • Continue eating healthier (especially by cutting out sugar and dairy)
  • Continue moving my body
  • Write down one positive thing each day or something that I’m grateful for
  • Begin praying and meditating in the mornings again
  • Creating a routine to get back into the things I enjoy doing
  • Don’t dwell on things that make me anxious
  • Limit screen time and how many shows I watch
  • Create an intention for each day

While this list is definitely not exhaustive, these are some of the things that I am going to begin prioritizing in my life once again. Back when I was in a really good place in June, most of of this list were things that I did everyday. However, since the beginning of this NLD flare up, some of these things have fallen to the way side. I hope that by starting them up again, I will begin to feel more like myself again.

Endnote

Even if you don’t have NLD, there are times where I’m sure you will go through the same or similar feelings. My biggest piece of advice to you is to not fight those feelings. Allow yourself to dwell in it for a few days. Eventually you will have had enough and are ready to make a change. Once you’ve had enough, you are now ready create a plan to take back your life. I have found that when I try to pull myself out of that state too soon, it ends up backfiring and I end up worse off than I was to begin with. I need time to feel sad, lonely, etc. for a bit of time before I can begin to claw my way out.

If you do have NLD, I know how lonely it can feel, but please know that you are not alone. Come find me on Instagram or send me an email if you just need a listening ear. I know it can often times be easier to talk to a complete stranger than to someone in your circle of family or friends. However, my message to you is the same as to someone without NLD. Allow your feelings to come without being scared of them or without trying to push them away. Once you identify your feelings and know why they are there, you will have a much easier time accepting them and then you will have an easier time figuring out how to cope with them and regain the life you love.

This life is not easy for anyone. We all have our dark days and go through challenging times. I firmly believe my mission is to raise awareness for those of us who have likely felt misunderstood our whole lives and to raise awareness of the hidden disability and that is nonverbal learning disability. Come find me on Instagram to learn more about what it’s like to live and cope with the daily challenges of life with nonverbal learning disability.

Until next week, friend!