What a Year
Junior year went by in the blink of an eye! I have been home for almost three weeks and have been taking it very slow and easy. This year really took a lot out of me and I am having to recharge and rest up after dealing with so much grief and loss. Since I got home, I’ve read 8 books! That’s more than I read all school year alone, and I’ve only been home a few weeks. I’ve missed reading. That’s one of my goals this summer is to read more. It has made my soul happy by picking up and finishing several books in only a few weeks.
This year was one of my favorites. After feeling so lonely and ostracized for most of my life, I feel like I am finally beginning to find my footing and a few of my people. While I am really glad the year is over, it was also a very bittersweet ending. I am ready to recharge this summer so I can have an awesome senior year!
Busy First Semester
First semester I was enrolled in 19 credits (the normal maximum is 18). As an accounting major, I was overloading on credits in order to achieve 150 credit hours before graduation to be able to take the CPA exam. Between taking a ton of classes, working in the tutoring center, and participating in DECA (a business club on campus), my schedule was very full! I did not have a lot of free time to sit around and rest.
However, as busy as my schedule was, this was the first year that I feel like I was actually excited to go to my classes. I always liked the academic part of my classes. It was the social aspect that I wasn’t always a fan of and would often times get anxious about. This post contains some basics of nonverbal learning disability, if you’re curious, but for me, it really makes it so that I cannot pick up on nonverbal social cues. As a result, I’ve had a really hard time making and keeping friends for my entire life. I’ve seen people at school and in my classes, but I have never really found people to hang out with outside of those structured times. This has been hard to say the least. But finally that has begun to change this year.
I worked to make conversation with the people in my classes and text them outside of class. I’ve been able to become friends with one person from my accounting classes, and I am so grateful for that. We have gotten dinner on multiple occasions and we have met up to work on homework or study for upcoming exams.
The Best Housing I Could Ask For
Sophomore year and junior I had housing accommodations. This year I was placed into a really special dorm that will always hold a special place in my heart. It was set away from the main part of campus, so it was never too loud or chaotic. It was three of us living there. There were 3 singles, a shared bathroom, a small kitchen, and a dining room/living room. It was very cozy.
I went in to this year kind of thinking that I would do my own thing as always, study, sleep, and just go day by day and make it to the end of the year. I don’t know what I was thinking because the two people I lived with have become some of my closest friends! Their friendship has changed my perspective on my life. They have made me feel more seen and valued than I have in my entire life. I am beyond grateful for having met them and lived with them for this past year. They are the first people that I feel actually get me and understand me in a way no one has before. I’m excited to keep working on those friendships!
Dealing with Grief and Loss: The Hardest Goodbye of my Life
First semester was going really well, despite how busy I was, until the week of Thanksgiving. We knew our dog was slowing down and her time was drawing near. The day after Thanksgiving, things took a pretty massive turn. We had a really hard conversation and basically agreed that we didn’t think Lolly would make it the three weeks until Christmas break, which was the next time we would all be home together.
That Saturday, we called the vet and scheduled an appointment for Monday morning. My sister and I would just go back to school late because we both wanted to be here to say goodbye. That weekend we started to wrap our heads around what was going to happen on Monday. We had a really nice day on Sunday and the four of us spent time doing things Lolly loved. We spoiled her with hugs, kisses, and treats, and we went for a beach walk and got some really special pictures. The beach was her happy place. Lolly even surprised us all and walked the entire time without needing to be carried. She couldn’t even do that back in August. I’m not sure if she was just stubborn or happy, or both 🙂
The Hardest Day of my Life
Monday, November 27 was one of the hardest days of my life. We had an early vet appointment but took some really nice pictures in our backyard that I will cherish forever. This was probably the hardest goodbye I have ever had to make. As painful and heartbreaking as this was, we are at peace that this was her time. I am so glad that she is no longer in pain.
After we got back from the vet, I slowly began getting organized and I drove back up to school. I cried on the way, but I was glad to be back at school and have the distraction. I was also glad to see my suite mates, who each gave me a big hug. It was a rough couple of days as I began to settle into this new reality. The rest of the semester was a bit rocky as I began dealing with this new sense of grief and loss.
Six months later and this new reality is still kind of sinking in as I’m now home, in her home. She definitely ruled the roost in our house! It feels empty and quiet still. The joy I once felt is gone. Ever since we said goodbye, I feel like I have been living in a constant state of anxiety. Lolly was the one to always ground me. I miss her every moment of every day. I’m still dealing with this grief and loss, but I keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other. I know without a doubt that she would want me to be happy and not wallow in grief.
Second Semester Chaos
I completed my semester long internship at PwC (one of the big four accounting firms). While I loved this experience, I was working crazy long hours. Gotta love busy season 😉 On average I was working 55-60 hour weeks!
But as busy as I was, I loved this experience. I couldn’t have asked for a better team to work with. They were all incredibly nice and welcoming. I felt very valued, even as an intern. They made me feel like I was a part of the team. Aside from loving the firm, my team was the main reason I decided to accept a full-time offer for post-graduation. I’m excited to go back in a year!
However, while I was completing my internship, I also had thesis and internship assignments I had to submit for school. I did really well in the beginning with getting everything done and submitted on time, however, things took a turn in February.
Dealing with More Grief and Loss Through A Major Tragedy
We learned that a high school friend committed suicide in early February. This came as a bit of a shock to all of us. She had a twin sister and a brother. This family was the first family we met when we moved to town almost 7 years ago. My heart totally broke for them.
On top of still dealing with grief from putting our dog down, I was now also dealing with this new grief and sense of loss. Since I was focusing on my internship and just getting through the day, some of my assignments for school got put on the back burner. The professor for these classes I have had since freshman year. I explained what was going on and she was not too concerned about my assignments. Everything got done before the end of the semester and I still finished with a 95!
My internship ended in early March. After having very long days, I was glad for some quiet. I took an online class and picked up a few hours in the tutoring center, but I mostly just rested and laid low.
The Best Part of Junior Year
The highlight of this semester, though, was in April. DECA’s international competition was in Austin, TX this year. This was my first time in TX and it did not disappoint! I competed in Financial Statement Analysis with a partner. This was a prepared event, meaning everything was done ahead of time. We just had to present in Texas. While we had time commitments we had to abide by, we were also able to explore some of the city. Some activities we did include: visiting the capital building, my partner and I rented a swan boat while others kayaked, we all rented a Peddle Party to go around Austin, and we walked around and had some delicious food!
I am very proud to report that my partner and I not only made finals but we were the international champions and took home first place in Financial Statement Analysis!!! What is hilarious, and slightly embarrassing, is that we did not hear our names called for first place, so we had go back up after the grand ceremony to get our DECA glass. I think I was so in denial that getting first was even a possibility, that we just didn’t even hear our names! Just goes to show, that I need to stop doubting myself and my abilities!
End of the Year
When we got back from Texas, we only had about 2 weeks left of the semester. I used this time to rest and get caught up on school assignments. As long and hard as this semester was, I still managed to get straight A’s and get a 4.0 GPA.
We got back from Texas the day before 22nd birthday. To say I was tired on my birthday is an understatement. I had a meeting in the morning and then took a 3 hour nap! That was the extent of my day haha. But one of my suite mates got me a blanket with pictures of our dog on it that she took from my Facebook and Instagram feeds. I love this blanket and it brings a smile to my face when I see some of my favorite pictures of Lolly.
A Year to Remember Despite the Grief and Loss
This year will always hold a special place in my heart. I finally feel like my life is on an upward trajectory. For the first time that I can remember, I am genuinely eager and excited to go back to school in the fall. However, I know I need to take some time for myself this summer to really rest and recharge. I’m not sure I’d make it through senior year otherwise! This year was very heavy. I have been dealing with more grief and loss this year alone than I have faced in the last 22 years. I need to listen to my gut instinct to rest and recharge, which does not come easy for me!
My heart aches with all the grief and loss, and feeling very burnt out, so I have just been laying low. Next week, I am sharing a post with my intentions and plans for this summer, and how I hope to work on my mental health, so stay tuned! But in the meantime, you can find me on Instagram, where I hope to begin engaging more this summer!
Until next week, friend!